My best friend dragged me to the 50
Shades of Grey movie on Friday night. Or as I seem to constantly refer to it, “50 Shades of What the Fuck”.

Full disclosure here, I did NOT read the books. I refused. After I first heard an excerpt read on TV one day, I swore them off. The writing horrified me.

I have NO problem with the subject matter. BDSM erotica? Bring it on! My problem was with the fact that the writing sounded like… *cough*… not the best. I cringed every time I heard it being read out loud. So I can only base my opinions of the movie off of the movie itself.

There was a lot of sex. A LOT of sex. You don’t see a lot of pubic hair in main stream block busters but by half way through this one you were pretty much just like, “Oh look, more pubes!”

Anastasia bit her lip a LOT. In fact I started counting on my fingers every time it happened and I lost count. I considered making a drinking game out of it but I had no booze. *sad*

I had more respect for Anastasia than I thought I would. You know, when she wasn’t being a whiney bitch desperately trying to change a man that told her EXACTLY what he was and the terms of their relationship from the start. Women love the ‘reform the bad boy’ trope, I get it. But seriously people, just stop.

Twilight fan fiction? YUP! I was interested to see how the whole Twilight influence would show through and when it did it was like HUGE neon flashing lights. To me anyway. The ‘plain Jane’ girl that’s completely oblivious to the fact that every man in her life wants to get in her pants? Check.
The girl meets the boy for the first time and becomes instantly infatuated with him. Check.
Said boy full on says “You have stay away from me!” Check check check! When that happened I swear the ghost of Edward Cullen’s face super imposed itself on the screen.

On the whole the movie was shot very well. The sex scenes were done wonderfully. There were some very funny laugh out loud moment which I appreciated. And the actors did a great job and seemed like a wonderful fit for their roles, they played them very well.

Will I watch this movie again? No.
Will I go see the next one? Yes. I feel invested now. I have to see it through to the end otherwise what’s the point?

I’ll say one thing for E.L. James, she created something that people want to devour and as a writer I respect that. Truly, props to her for all of her success.

Let’s be real, it would be amazing if one day Stephanie Marks were a household name. What author doesn’t have dreams of being the ‘next big thing’? I’m not ashamed to admit that when it comes to writing I would like to be a commercial success. I’ve never been partial to the idea of being a starving artist. I’m much too fond of food and shoes for that to be a viable lifestyle choice.

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